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Thursday, August 11, 2016

International Propriety Day



Mark your calendars!

On August 11th, 2017 - one year from today - I would like one and all to celebrate ‘International Propriety Day’. 

Now, I understand that this may not make any sense to anyone, so I’ve prepared a brief FAQ section to explain:

Q: What is ‘International Propriety Day’ anyway?

A:  First, thank you for asking. ‘International Propriety Day’ was borne out of one middle-aged man’s frustration with a world that is increasing self-absorbed, nay dare we say ‘narcissistic’? When the founder was a child, there were only 4 television channels on the dial. Today there are at least double that number dedicated to 24 hour programming involving a cast of characters who seem to marvel at how beautiful, etc. they are. That doesn’t count social media where people revel in posting ‘selfies’ and regaling the world with tales of how sexy they are, how nice a car they drive, and guess where I went on my vacation.

Q: Quite frankly, he sounds a little cranky to me.

A: He is, and the combination of a bran muffin and a good night’s sleep should fix that, but there remains the broader question of whether or not the constant parade of flaunting one’s good fortune, nice clothes, etc. in a world where not everybody is lucky is a bit tone deaf. In his defence, he’s only asking for one bloody day for people to tone it down, for pete’s sake. It’s not like he’s asking people to donate a kidney…sorry…what was your next question?
Q: Okayyyy…. So what do we do if we want to ‘celebrate’ – if I can call it that…

A: Well, you can if you want. Actually, do nothing.

Q: Nothing?

A: That’s what I said. Is there an echo in here?

Q: We celebrate ‘International Propriety Day’ by doing nothing? I don’t follow…

A: Don’t post glam shots on Facebook or Twitter. No faked poses or pictures of you and your friends and partner trying to look like Beyonce and Jay-Z at the Vanity Fair post-Oscar partay. No triumphant “Look at me and my well-toned body as my sexy spouse and I get in our luxury automobile and head to an exclusive bistro and drink expensive Cabernet derived from grapes stomped by vestal virgins before hopping on a plane to Martinique and allow the gentle rays of the sun to bronze my thong clad arse that is as firm as that of a 20 year old on account of my multiple hot yoga sessions”…okay, that was a tangent.

Q: Moving on, so no vanity pictures or bragging of any kind?

A: Yes.

Q: Doesn’t that eliminate a lot of social media posts?

A: Nobody has a precise number, but I would say 75%

Q: So, what’s the alternative?

A: You are allowed – and strongly encouraged – to simply post a line from the David Bowie song “Ashes to Ashes”

Q: Which is?

A: “I’m happy – hope you’re happy too.” It says you’re okay, you hope others are okay and it fits in less than 140 characters.

Q: What about pictures? People are likely to post pictures as they are text.

A: Flowers.

Q: Flowers?

A: You heard me – flowers.

Q: Why flowers?

A: Because they’re beautiful and natural.

Q: Any flower?

A: A-ha – that’s the thing – not just any flowers…Wildflowers.

Q: Why wildflowers?

A: Because we’re all about simplicity and a lack of ego. Prized orchids and long stem roses are as much a symbol of ego and showing off as anything. In the cosmic sense, a flower is a flower, but with those you are saying “Look at how much money and trouble I went to” as much as anything. Wildflowers grow on their own, with only nature to depend on. They are the epitome of natural beauty. They are simple, and they exist with or without us.

Q: Ok – so next year, pictures of wildflowers and a quote from a David Bowie song. That’s it?

A: Rome wasn’t built in a day. I’m about realistic expectations.

Q: What else?

A: Probably a Facebook page, if I get around to it. Maybe people can take the money they save on their elegant dinner and kick it to a food bank or a charity. That would be really nice.

Q: Do you think people will embrace this?

A: Don’t know. I will. Hope people join me.

Q: One last question – why ‘propriety’?

A: Because if I called it ‘International Humility Day’ people would think they should be crass and insulting to others and ‘humiliate’ them. If I called it ‘International Modesty Day’, it would sound like I was the Preacher in ‘Footloose’, telling the town kids they weren’t allowed to dance. I can’t dance, but I like it as a theoretical construct. Propriety seemed to capture the intent without a lot of confusion.

So, that's it. The hashtag, by the way, is #IPD2017

Enjoy!